Can't believe it's really happening!

I'll see you soon, San Francisco :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EVELYN CHANG! :)

For now, it's okay. If I'm not happy, I'll do something about it.

Grabbing life by the balls has always been my motto. If I really want something, I'll go after it all the way.

Went go cart racing for the first time. It was so much fun, and my best lap time was 26.74. Gotta go even faster next time.

I can't take these years for granted. My laziness is consuming me.

FINALLY EMPLOYED YAYY!!

All I do is sleep and eat porridge. My cheeks are huge; I look like a fat chipmunk.

Why am I so lazy?

-need a job asap

-first speeding ticket -__-

-last stretch before summer session ends

-wisdom teeth extraction whee

“We go right for the top shelf with our words now. We don’t think about how we talk. We just say the right to the fucking, just— “dude, it was amazing.” really? you were amazed? You were amazed by a basket of chicken wings? Really? Amazing? What are you gonna do with the rest of your life now? What if something really happens to you? What if jesus comes down from the sky and makes love to you all night long, leaves the new living lord in your belly? What are you gonna call that? You used “amazing” on a basket of chicken wings. You’ve limited yourself verbally to a shit life.”

-Louis C.K.

My first job interview is at 12 today. I'm so nervous right now ):

GOOD TIMES EVELYN GOOD TIMES.

After applying to 10+ places, I finally have two or three job interviews! I don't like being financially dependent on my parent. It's about time I start learning how hard it is to make money.

Also, I didn't do so well on my ecology midterm, and it's my fault for underestimating the test. I should've studied a little bit everyday and not cram the last minute. I really want to stop making the same mistakes. I can't go back to my old habits, and I must raise my GPA. I need pretty much all B+s or better for the next three years if I even want a shot at applying for graduate school.

Sophomore year, please be good to me. I'm volunteering in the hospital, doing research, and having a part-time job. This year, I hope I will kill all my bad habits, and I won't make any of the same academic mistakes like ever. Baby steps are the first step to making progress.

I don't want to complain to my best friend and boyfriend about bad grades anymore. If I want to be smart, I have to study a little bit everyday and not fall asleep in class. If I want to be skinny, I have to eat healthy and make an attempt to run even if it's just fifteen minutes. If I want to be better-looking, I have to stop dressing like a slob and wake up an extra ten minutes.

If I want to be the person I want to be, I have to change. Throughout my life, I've always had security, and I really cannot take that for granted.

I can't keep having these epiphanies every three months and have sudden bursts of change. I shouldn't be moving backwards at all.

Be motivated and continuously strive for success.

"Get busy living, or get busy dying"

Yesterday, Ethan showed me his bucket list, which is about 25% completed. Talking to him made me realize how much I waste my time. I really want to start living life to the fullest. My life wasn't meant to be on the Internet 24/7 and sleeping constantly. I'm growing older, and once I start to have more responsibilities, my time won't be flexible anymore.

I know I can't change over night, but by the end of this year, I want to check off one or two things off my bucket list.

-study study for midterm on Thursday

-update my resume

-apply for jobs

-start running again

I'm going to be motivated again.

A in physics and A- in biology!

B session started today so it's time for me to work even harder and get straight As!

I hate being a debby downer, but my confidence in my academic abilities is really low right now. I have a final in less than 12 hours, and my mindset is I'm going to fail.

HAHA, Justin made a rage comic about the gift he was going to send me :)

"Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst."

Progress

-92.5% on my second bio midterm. so much better than the first one, which was a 70%.....

-118 right now, which means running is paying off!

I hope I'll keep making these improvements.

Regrets, man, regrets.

I'm tired of school.

I'm always telling myself I'll do a lot of things in the summer, but I never end up doing any of it because I'm so stingy and cheap.

I want to go out and live life. I figure somewhere to start is to go to the HP movie premiere this Thursday. If plans work out, I'll be going to identity festival in Chula Vista. Hopefully by the end of this year, I'll be able to go to SF, too.

Edit: Plans are foiled ):

Recently, I've been thinking about who I truly admire. A few individuals stood out to me. Since I've never been really successful or have tried hard in school, I figured why not "copy" their habits and later on develop new habits and hopefully a lifestyle change.

I told myself that I would do better this summer, but it's always on and off. It's time to be consistent.

I'm way too comfortable with the feeling of failure. What is ambition without results?

Important

-let go of my doubts and insecurities.

-embrace summer & adventures

-work hard

-keep running and do pilates!

-always and always strive to be a better person

-stop being judgmental...can't help it sometimes ):

-stop having a sailor mouth

-be appreciative

"Suddenly you don't care if you need to juggle a clutch and icecream while rushing to beat the lines at California Screamin' in high-heeled booties... because you're at the happiest place on earth with the guy that makes you feel like you're the happiest person on earth. Then pinched toes in 85 degree heat don't seem as painful."

-Rachel Nguyen

:)

We're always making plans about doing something in the near future. Some of those things are far ahead into the future, but I hope we'll be able to do most of them, if not all of them.

Every time I talk to Evelyn during a long car ride, I always come out with a better understanding about ourselves. I swear she is my soul sister; nobody is like her.

SF trip is postponed to August/September due to excessive midterms and finals. It's only been two days, and I'm working the hardest I've worked in one sitting.

It's satisfying knowing you reached your goal for the day. Plus biology is really interesting. It's just a lot of details and what not.

As for physics, I have no idea what is going in that class.

I guess it's time I give up my daily Reddit and Tumblr browsing, but it's worth it if I get As in the end!

“20 years from now you will be disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the one’s you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

-Mark Twain

Starting the summer with...

-ten hours of sleep

-eatingg food ^__^

-hanging out with friends

-watching movies

I love lazing around and doing nothing. I'm going to miss this.

-skydivinggg

-SF SF SF SF SF SF SF SF SF IS GOING TO WORK OUTT YEYAHSA!!

the only two things on my mind this summer :')

"THE FIRST THING I AM GOING TO DO ONCE I FINISH MY LAST FINAL OF MY FRESHMAN YEAR IS GO CARROLIN. Music Blasting, one hand on the wheel like a boss and, OTHER HAND OUT THE WINDOW FLIPPING EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING OFF. HOHOhOHOhohOh
Yep. Looking forward to it. But I gotta earn it. I must earn the right to rudely disregard everything I grace with my middle finger.

Earn your right to flip everything, Maggie. Study!
haha good luck." -Ethan

The stress is kicking in...what have I been doing all quarter?

I'm so close to being done with the year, but I can't push myself to study or write this paper. What is wrong with me? I shouldn't have gone home this weekend; I can hardly sit straight. My mind is running in circles.

I made a pact, and I'm keeping it. End the year with good grades!

All I can think about is macarons in SF, Hangover 2 w/ wolfpack, beef noodle soup in SGV, moving in, tourism in SF, seeing cousins before they leave, One Day + No Strings Attached, cooking and baking, being "independent", costco runs, SF in general w/ evelyn, skydiving w/ justin (don't pussy out), surprise visits, irvine to see old friends, DCFC w/ ilani neill ethan kevin (!?), concerts (!!!), etc. etc. etc.

summer 2k11 needs to come. this is one of my last summers as a youth; i'm going to miss it.

live it up!

-got my makeup at sephora...now all i'm missing is waterproof eyeliner

-haircut and retainers

-slept for a glorious 15 hours

-rushed to brea with evelyn

-got ready and went to paulette

-honks, cat calls, stares, and "can i look" trolol

-ate lots of good food, happy birthday joseph + chloe

-crazy uphill walk

-delicious mixtures of drinks

-half and half w/ neill and jessica

-talked with my momma

-justin came. hung out at my house and met my mom

-ALL YOU CAN EAT HOT POT ^__^ sooo goooddd

Plans

This isn't the most photogenic picture of me, but it's a "before" picture for me.

I have a lot of goals and I'm super determined to reach them. I'm positive this isn't just talk because I'm doing something about it now. I'm tired of not growing and staying at the same place; I need change.

My goals are personal so I won't really say anything more than changing physically, emotionally, and mentally.

I'm going to reach and hit all of my goals by August.

Memorial Day Weekend

-Joseph's birthday party

-finally getting a haircut

-tightening retainers

-beef noodle + shoppinggg with bff

-bf coming down to give me a ride + getting his bike + ayce korean bbq (!!)

-seeing ilani umel

-family timeeeee

-englisshh paper

Good weekend check

"Cyanine glows red.
Bromophenol turns blue.
My heart's indicator fluoresces,
In the presence of you."

-Reddit

How cute :)

August ^__^

Fall2011

1) Ochem 109A

2) Bio lab

3) Ling 20

4) Spanish 2

During pass 2, I'm going to add SHS 50. I hope the class doesn't fill up...

Tentative fall quarter schedule

1) First of the ochem series

2) Upper div stats...-__-

3) Bio lab

4) Spanish

5) Econ 1

I don't really know what I want, but I guess I will take all the required pre-reqs for medical/pharmacy/speech pathology school.

"Questions of science, science and progress
do not speak as loud as my heart."

Life begins when you stop waiting for it to begin.

-Lee Crutchley

Tough it out till the end of the year because when summer comes...

SF SF SF SF SF 2K11, you're going to be conquered. Shits happening no matter what.

Find my "lifelong motivation". STOP MISSING CLASS ASDSAFDA.

The Books - There Is No There

"D'en trouver une autre comme toi,

Mais t'es la seule mon cœur désire"

Where is my drive and motivation?

I need something new in my life. That roadtrip sure sounds good right now, Evelyn.

I have these bursts of motivation and breakdowns of self-confidence from time to time. It sucks because I'm so unmotivated to go to class because I feel it's too late to do anything differently.

Blogging this because I need to remember why I came here. People are always waking me up and telling me to go to class so where's my willpower?

Goals to keep in mind:

1) STOP BEING LAZY

2) Willpower and determination makes all the difference

3) Soymilk ahsdfhahahsdah

4) Pact w/ Evelyn (most important reminder)

I hate week five and week ten...I miss class the most during these weeks, but I'm going to change and stop thinking about the five minuets of sleep I need. I'm going to haul ass to chem on MWF.

Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros - Home

One day I'll feel it.

9 weeks, do work.

I had a really good talk with Evelyn about a lot of things. Everything does happen for a reason and I'm going to go with the flow for now.

Thank you for being so patient and understanding of everything. We're going to tear SF up.

What I really need is a balance between my former high school self and current self. I'm going to trust my abilities and stop competing with others. I guess I haven't been that happy lately especially how I consistently remind myself of all the mistakes I made.

My goal is to finish the year strong and take a chill pill from time to time. Nothing too concrete, but always remember that I should try my best and concentrate on my happiness and well-being.

Goals:

-Try my best and do better than last quarter

-Sleep more than five hours a night

-Stretch from time to time

-Kick the habit and temptation of drinking coffee

-Stop overthinking and appreciate what I have

sounds like a good enough list :)

"Good morning, and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!"

-Truman Show

Things to do this week:

1) Physics homework due Monday

2) Math homework due Friday

3) 6 hours of lab 2 hours lab

4) chem midterm numero uno

5) physics midterm numero uno

6) weekly art history 500 word whatever

7) lol read plant paper before meeting and do not get owned by dr. mazer

8) watch no strings attached with Justin on Tuesday...if I have time!!

9) summary of inconvenient truth due Monday

10) chem lab report due Tuesday

I'm cursed forever. I always have a physics midterm and chem midterm either on the same day or a day after another.

When my chem midterm grade comes out, I'm either going to be able to apply to UCSD for pharm school or not at all....

I'm strangely motivated right now.

Something I'm going to figure out by the end of summer...

-the correlation between musical preferences and personality.

I'm really curious if there's a deeper link between musical tastes and personalities and how different two people are based on their musical tastes. I've been googling and all I've gotten is music affects our moods and our moods are defined through our personalities. I'm not content with that answer because I really want to know if our personalities affect the reason why we listen to certain things or is it vice-versa??Qasdf

I listen to chillwave, shoegaze, bassanova, and a lot of indie music....what does that say about my personality?

http://www.psychologyandsociety.com/musicperson.html

hmm....if I categorize my music based on the article, I don't know what my musical tastes are defined as.....

Plus if people listen to all types of music, what does that say about them?

/end rambling

Plan B:

-stay at SB for the summer?!

-if I do go home, what am I going to do? I guess I can try to get a waitressing job, but idk.

-try to find a job...lol ): every year I never get a job. I am so undesirable in the job market.

-Mazer Lab

-try to apply for another research position

I will not lag on applications in the fall. I need to get my hospital volunteering position.

I make plans and lists of things to do.

It's disappointing to know half of my plans are not coming through.

But on a good note, I get math and I have time to study and sleep before 2AM today. I also helped finishing doing scores on clarkia plants so tomorrow we'll be outcrossing them! Eggsciting.

Don't go, say you'll stay

Spend a lazy Sunday

In my arms, don't take

Anything away

Stars, I've missed you dearly.

I'm starting to feel the consequences of procrastination. I'm going to be sleeping so little for the next two weeks.

New goal: STOP WASTING TIME

Music Mondays-any song that is made, remixed, or reworked by Star Slinger.

Tasty Tuesdays- My love for pastrami sandwiches

Wishful Wednesdays- My laziness exceeds my wish to have a flat stomach. Can summer come closer? I hate being cold in the mornings.

Thoughtful Thursdays- The psychological and emotional makeup of people and why they are the way they are.

Fashion Fridays- brown skinny belts, button up shirts, and stripes!

I hope that all the plans we make will come through.

Bucket list:

1) Eat every 4 or 5 star restaurant on State Street that's $$ or $...at least try

2) San Jose/San Francisco

3) Skydiving ^_____^ #winning

4) Lily's Tacos next time!

Thanks for treating me out to Norton's Pastrami.

The most delicious pastrami sandwich ever. They gave us so much meat and I was full after 1.5 sandwiches, so worth the eight dollars.

Plan A: Stick with my minor in speech and hearing sciences and get an internship with my cousins' speech therapist. Summer session A only and stay at Walnut for the remainder of the summer.

Plan B: Minor in art history, take two art history courses during the summer, and volunteer at the hospital + lab for 10-12 weeks in the summer. Summer session A + B + job.

I should figure this out soon. It's so hard to stick to one thing when you want to do everything. This lifetime is too short.

"How do you trust your feelings when they can just disappear like that?" -Blue Valentine

Applicable to a lot of things in my life.

Something I really enjoy doing #1:

I really enjoy reading other peoples' analyses or reviews after watching a movie I throughly enjoy especially movies where I feel there could always be something more.

That was my reaction to Blue Valentine. As badly as I wanted Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling to end up together in the end, it was obvious that they weren't going to last. The contrast between their past and present was so clear and it was so heart-breaking to see two people try to make a marriage work. How sad it is to see two people fall in love with each other and stick it out till the very end where nothing works.

Good

• Sleeping more than five hours a day, a big improvement from winter quarter
• Better time management
• Organized with the help of schedules and lists
• Eating better(??)
• Less distracted
• Broke the habit of mindless internet surfing, happens rarely now
• Library + RBR woo!

Bad

• Tired as shit. I.hate.my.schedule.this.quarter
• SO MUCH TO DO, SO LITTLE TIME.
• Too lazy and tired to exercise
• Late to the first class I have everyday eugh ): Damn you 8AMs
• Struggling to sleep before 1AM

I'm hoping this week is just a bad week. I missed three lectures this week...I'm so disappointed in myself.

BTW, I'm so proud of Evelyn for sticking with what she wants and going 100% all the way. LET'S DO THIS. and going after sdffsbgsff LOL ^__^

P.S Thanks Justin for doing my labels and stakes for me and helping me on math homework. You're officially a sticker master and a linear algebra god in my book :)

I can't wrap my mind around the idea that in less than four years I'll be a fully grown adult. I'm going to have responsibilities like paying the bills, remembering to buy groceries, getting up by myself to go to work. Though I dread these aspects of growing up, I've been envisioning the specific moment of picking out my furniture for my apartment since the fourth grade. I've always had this image of the ideal bedroom in my mind. It's a white dominated room slightly contrasted with pale pink pastel sheets and a small circular table with a vase of flowers. In the afternoon at 1PM, the sunlight will seep through the sheer cream colored curtains and I'll be reading a novel while drinking iced strawberry lemonade or black coffee saturated with cream and sugar. Every time I remember this, the flowers change. Whether they're daisies or peonies overlooking a hourglass shaped vase, my desire to achieve my pubescent dream has never changed.

P.S Naps will be the death of me. How will I survive five 8AMs this quarter? On the bright side, I might only have eight units during the summer. I'll probably have either a four or three day weekend, how blessed I am! That means I have time to volunteer at the lab, hospital, and maybe even get a job. I'm also going to apply to other research labs; I'm hoping I'll get one that's more geared towards my major.

Thrills:

Zip-lining

Sky-diving

Parachuting

Bungee jumping off Bloukrans Bridge

Speedflying

Wingsuit base flying

Icesailing/Iceboating

Hang-gliding

I have to do one of these things before I die. I need to learn how to ski asap so I can go to Norway and Switzerland.

I'm in the process of developing good habits

• Using my planner everyday, writing remainders down, using post-it application
• Sleeping before 2AM everyday
• Learning to do homework during the day
• Planning my day ahead of time
• Having the willpower to get out of bed
• Cutting down the amount of time I'm late slowly....hehe

This is going to be a good quarter. I'm very motivated to do well and I think being strained on time reduces the amount of time I go on Facebook and all those other social networking websites. I'm a lot less likely to waste time now.

Time management is essential this quarter. I'm going to make it a habit to plan my days in my planner.

Bad habits: naps during the day.

moleskin notebooks, cognac oxfords, navy boat shoes, deerskin minnetonkas, anything that is striped, pastel hues, greys/blacks/whites, army jackets, deep blue denim, rompers, scallop shorts, laced underwear, ankle booties, swim suits, pops of color, aviators, short hair, cable knit thigh highs, pleated high waisted shorts, sheer button ups, vintage levi's cutoffs, animal rings.

Summer plans:

• first half of summer: Summer A session (13 units) + ecology/hospital volunteering + chemistry storeroom (???)
• second half of summer: speech therapy internship @ fullerton + job (ANYWHERE PLEASEEE)
• SF w/ best freakin' friend, Evelyn!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (we shall devour macarons, eat seafood, be typical tourists w/ sunglasses, fedoras, denim cutoffs, and cameras) IDGAF, OH BEAUTIFUL VACATION THIS WILL BE
• EDC 2k11 (JUSTICE!) w/ Ilani + random escapades with this woman ranging from mildly silly to extremely far-fetched.
• SJ to visit my bf (bitchass favorite) Justin heh, go skydiving with me :)
• old high school friends
• FBLA girls
• food adventuresss + yelp yelp yelp
• Ronnieeeeeee ^_^
• NAS reunions
• random individual hangouts
• donate my clothes + go to savers

^^ Do not disappoint me, summer 2k11. I'm working hard for you; I really am.

I'm doing stomach and leg exercises everyday and I'm also going to run with Katrina once spring quarter starts. I can't wait to buy a bathing suit in two months and fearlessly go on the beach without feeling self-conscious.

Main problem: Bursts of motivation and streams of inspiration come to me at 3AM. My mind is working quickly and trying to process all my thoughts and information. The problem with me is that I want to do everything yet I'm mediocre at everything I do. I have way too many interests and too little passions.

P.S order a moleskin notebook so I can finally doodle and write my daily inspirations in my notebook. No more of this blog nonsense where I ramble on and on.

P.S.S Ilani, come back! I miss you so much ):

Music Mondays, Tasty Tuesdays, Wishful Wednesdays, Thoughtful Thursdays, Fashion Fridays stolen from That's Chic

A lover of

good food, good company, and good music.

You’re going to die soon enough anyway; even if it’s a hundred years from now, that’s still the blink of a cosmic eye. In the meantime, live like a scientist—even a controversial one with only an ally or two in all the world—and treat life as a grand experiment, blood, sweat, tears and all.
-Jesse Bering

"We’re just having fun
We don’t care who sees
So what we go out
That’s how its supposed to be
Living young and wild and free"

Monday: Pasadena w/ Evelyn Chang

postponed two hours due to lack of sleep. car doesn't work. can't even honk. park at ralph's. impossible roads. "hope you don't get a ticket". broke as a joke. last pair of scallop shorts T_T that are not my size. floralxfloral in f21. victoria's secret gone. cute fedoras. "i almost lost my umbrella". shoes. dots cupcakes. evelyn losing BFF bracelet, but finding it in her jacket..dur... broke as a joke after zara. bootiess. not eating at all. little bits of traffic. almost missing 57.

Tuesday: Fonda Don Chon and golfing w/ Ethan Chow

"readdy!!". 10sec. "i'm outside". exotic name of fonda don chon. MEXICAN BUFFET. soupez soupez. everywhere ethan goes a major disaster occurs. greece's fires. new zealand's earthquakes. australia floods. iceland's volanco. england's floods. some place in europe's economy shattering. camera flash LOLOLOL. not eating boba for five years. first guess on his birthday. sweet delicious corn. mandatory song drop it low girl. teen daze. ethan woods. tiger chen. lack of skill in golf. rolling distance for me. my amazing stance of golf. king kat meow~.

!!

I have never been so excited for spring break to come. With the exception of seeing some old friends, I'm definitely going to be sleeping most of break.

After break is over, I'm really going to try my best to devote time everyday to study even if it's just fifteen minutes a day. I swear if I did that everyday outside of homework, I would not be staying up the night before finals.

On another note I plan on getting a minor in speech and hearing sciences! I'm going to speak to an advisor about more information on this. I also need to fill out a hospital volunteer form and get summer school classes. I really don't want to be a super senior if I decide to go through with this plan. It's probably going to be a my backup plan in case pharmacy school or medical school doesn't work out. I can still apply to a lot of other speech pathology graduate programs.

I have a lot to look forward to in 2k11.

TIL that UCSB is the only UC campus to offer this minor in the undergraduate program. Life is good when you make these little discoveries. This gives me all the more reason to believe that UCSB was a better choice in the end.

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
-Lao-Tze

Keren Ann's version of Jardin D'Hiver is beautiful. Sometimes I regret not continuing French.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=im9fspvvkf4

Oh, Explosions in the Sky has a new album. I haven't heard it myself, but I hear it's very good so I'm definitely looking forward to it during spring break.

Yin and Yang

This picture is so funny. Yin and Yang. It's funny because we're opposites who balance each other.

Listening to Teen Daze's Let's Fall Asleep Together reminds me of 2k11's upcoming summer. A lot of the times my mind and heart is full of wanderlust. A lot of times I don't want to be in Santa Barbara. On my newsfeed, I see pictures of people traveling or pictures of their adventures in college. I live vicariously through these pictures and wonder why am I not experiencing the same things as they are?

Over the course of these past few days, I did a lot of thinking about myself as a person and how I want to change. My I-don't-give-a-fuck behavior developed in junior year after continuously failing in the academics area. Eventually it became my way of dealing with things I didn't want to do and became my excuse when I didn't want to study. Now I wait till the last minute to do things and I'm always late to class even if it's just a couple minutes.

After staying in the library for a long time and actually understanding my errors on my chemistry midterms, I realize I'm not that dumb after all. I actually have the potential to do well on the final. I shouldn't give up on science if it's what I want to do with the rest of my life. Though art history remains to be a passion of mine, I know I can't do much with it. I actually enjoy chemistry a lot so I'm going to stay in my major and not drop out. For the first time in a long time, I actually want to be smart and intelligent; I want to be able to solve problems without struggling and looking at the solutions manual. In fact, I want to be able to fluently explain the answer in class without getting it wrong.

I'm sure this change sparked from the long talks with Evelyn about always wanting to change and be a better person. Honestly, I get so tired from always wanting to change, but never actually doing it. Perhaps the reason why it took me so long to actually start to change stemmed from just changing little things in my appearance and the way I walk. My habit of walking like a man is slowly going away; it takes time to get used to.

I'm tired of all the self-loathe I have for myself about how I'm never good enough for anything. A lot of it disintegrated after having a better understanding of myself. Through talks with Evelyn, Ilani, Howard, and Justin I want to be a better person at the end of this school year.

That's why I'm so excited for summer because I can't wait to see the improved version of myself. Even though I'm not doing something amazing like going on daily adventures, I have to concentrate on school, my relationships with people, and ultimately myself. I need to stop giving up and doubting myself all the time. I can be everything I have always envisioned and hoped to be.

Though I sometimes don't like Santa Barbara, it reminds me that it's summer in the middle of February. I shouldn't need to be envious of others, but start to truly appreciate everything I have in SB. I have a best friend who puts up with my messy half of the room and has long talks with me till sunrise. I have the most hilarious hallmates who help me on chemistry and laugh with me at stupid things. I have someone who puts up with my overanalyzing self and wakes me up from my daily naps. I have a mother who loves me and calls me to make sure I'm okay. In reality, I have everything I could possibly want and need.

Hey, I know I might not get a good grade in chemistry, but at least I'm coming into the final knowing that I tried my best.

Final in twelve hours, I can do this.

Evelyn and I had a really good conversation last night. A notable conversation was about our friendship and why we are so close.

We are close not because of our similar interests, but how well we know each other and how we are together. We know way too much about each other. In a very broad sense, we want the same things in life--success, happiness, and good vibes/food. I feel that because we are so different that we get along on a much deeper level. We don't need to be together 24/7 and we both have our set of friends that we can talk to about other things. There is no competition between us because we both want totally different things in life and boys will never be a problem. Ultimately I feel that this is a reason why I thrive so well around Evelyn. With her, I know I can be myself without judgment.

Thank you.

zomglasrpewpew 2:52 am
well.. peer counseling taught me this
but what you look for in anyone not just like
romantic relationships but any relationship is some kind of solid, common ground.
something that in the long term
you know is impenetrable and you know that can withstand anything
and thats what the basis is for like.. you and me, or you and evelyn, or you and any close friend you know?
but with romantic relationships
its a bit different in that
... like idk
you know in avatar they have like
synchronized braids
or in harry potter there is like a matching wand to each wand
you need that in any relationship you know?
i'm not implying theres just one person out there
but millionz of people whos wands are made out of the same material as you
you know?

Dead week, GPOY

My dedication to spring/summer.

I can't wait :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6W0Q5KGMQQ4

Ethnic Descent - Lover's Rock

A YouTube commenter said "this song > anything lil wayne has ever said". I totally agree with this statement.

HUNGREB0I 9:49 pm
the way i look at it
it's like this.
no matter what you're gonna make money.
it's true that if you're in bio/medicine
your start pay/in general is better than other occupations.
but if you persue art
expecting yourself not to make that much money
that's jsut how it's gonna be
unless you devote and actually
risk it all
your art's just
gonna be shit

HUNGREB0I 9:54 pm
and where you're at
it'll hit you
and when you do just hop on and stay on that train and enjoy the ride

chu chuuu

HUNGREB0I 9:57 pm
first step in finding your calling
Maggie Chen 9:57 pm
if i'm still unhappy at 24 years old...i'll rop everything
drop*
and figure it out
for now i guess i'll stay where i'm at
HUNGREB0I 9:57 pm
is realizing you need to find one

Everybody is out there accomplishing great things and I'm sitting here wasting my life away.

If this is what I call living life, I sure have low standards.

MAKE PLANS!

Dear Reddit, have you ever thought about just quitting your job, ditching everything, and moving to another city or even country?

"I did exactly what you're thinking of doing at the age of 24 and I am 28 now. I visited 20+ countries in a year and lived in Australia for 6 months (Canadian) and I would do it again in a second.
A bit of back story: I figured that I had accomplished all the goals I set in high-school by getting a good job, university education, fancy sports car and finally a new apartment. On paper it was everything everyone would want right? Wrong. I was unhappy and miserable. I took Computer Science and Math instead of History and Art because that's what my parents wanted for me so I could be successful. I felt cheated because I was young and didn't think for myself... I always told myself I would go traveling later and kept putting it off in order to follow someone elses dreams for me. I pre-purchased into the condo development before it was complete at a low price, the real-estate market peaked. I called up the mortgage guy and canceled the appointment and went to a real-estate person instead. It took 4 days to sell the place and I took the first offer. After taxes and fees I had just shy of $40,000 for selling what amounted to a piece of paper and paid off all my debts and started planning. I gave my work 8 months notice that I was leaving and stayed with my folks until I left a year later. I planned and prepared for my trip, it was the first time in my entire life I felt free and in control.
I traveled all through Europe, 17 countries in total. I spent a day in the Louvre, swam in the Mediterranean, wandered the streets of Pompeii, Para-Sailed in Corfu, rode a camel by the Pyramids, had one foot in Asia and another in Europe, drank beer in a real Beer Hall from a .5 liter stein, climbed mountains in Switzerland, Whitewater rafted in Austria, got stoned in Amsterdam, saw musicals in London... you get the idea. If you take the time right now you could do all those things and more, but it does take a small amount of sacrifice and guts. I cant tell you how many times I though "How the fuck did I get here, this is the best day of my life"
It was a life changing year and in my eyes the best thing I have ever managed to do. I learned more about the world and myself in that year then I could have hoped for. It changed my outlook on just about everything, I realized money and possessions are not all they're cracked up to be. Some of the happiest people I encountered were people who had nothing. We're talking mud-brick walls and no roof, dirt floor and no water or power. That kind of stuff sticks with you forever.
I met so many Aussies in Europe I ended up heading to Australia for about 6 months. I consider my friends from my year abroad to be my best friends and would do anything for them. There is something about meeting other backpackers, most are very straightforward and actually act like themselves. You don't have to "wear a mask" like you do at home, if someone doesn't like you fuck them you'll never see them again :P I found most people to be genuine and rather kind. Facebook is amazing for keeping in touch with people.
If you have any questions fire away, I can't recommend taking the trip enough. Getting the travel bug is totally worth it.
This post finally decided to make an account after around 4 years of lurking."

"You are still young. I'd rather live with the mistake, than with the regret of not doing something, and not knowing what could have been the outcome."

^THIS!

http://brokenluggage.wordpress.com/2010/06/13/how-to-experience-living-in-a-foreign-country-without-getting-citizenship/

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/fz5d8/dear_reddit_have_you_ever_thought_about_just/

http://www.reddit.com/r/IWantOut/

This will be pretty useful to me one day.

Week 9/10

My very enthusiastic face when I'm studying.

PTL, I got an A- on my physics midterm, but I totally failed my chem midterm. I am way too lucky sometimes.

I really have to get rid of all my old habits and old ways. I'm starting to revert back to my old ways; I can't let myself do that when I've been doing so well.

SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER

-living at apartments with Evelyn/summer school

-hopefully going to San Fran once with Evelyn and another time with Justin/Ilani/Nelson

-YAYY getting a job or I will try to at least :)

-hopefully a random trip with my momma

-many adventures with old friends

I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself.

Two weeks, you got this.

Push yourself.

Make plans.

Remember why you're here.

Over the years :))

Freshmen year: End of freshmen year...I decided to cut my bangs for the first time. When I walked into biology, you laughed so hard. Awkward bangs and braces are not a good match for me. LOL YOU HAD NO BANGS LOLOL!

Sophomore year: End of sophomore year for an ECGA meeting at Bernice's house

Junior year: End of junior year at ECGA banquet...oh my god I'm still doing my awkward hand motion...

Senior year: PROM!!!

2/26/11: This is the most recent picture of us!

P.S EVELYN DO YOU REMEMBER THIS?? LOL!

It's interesting to see how much we've changed over the years. High school's been over for a long time, but I'm thankful that you've been part of my life for the past four years! From endless amounts of laughter to stupid girl drama, you've been a big part of my life. I would go back in time to lose to you again in tennis tryouts just to make sure you'd be my best friend. At the end f the day, all I need is you and my family. Thank you so much, Evelyn Chang!

Bucket List

1) Sky-dive or bungee jump
2) Learn how to swim
3) Once I learn how to do #2, I can go scuba diving
4) Attend a film festival
5) Eat at the underwater restaurant in Maldives (!!!)
6) Visit at least one country in every continent
7) Red-light district in Amsterdam for the lulz.
8) Learn how to skip rocks
9) Get a tattoo or a second piercing
10) Become financially independent and support my momma
11) Go camping
12) Play poker in a real casino
13) Drive from the West coast to East coast
14) Jump from a waterfall
15) Visit the major landmarks of the world
16) Play piano or paint again.
17) Visit major art museums around the world
18) Go to another country and volunteer there
19) Study aboard
20) Marry someone lulz.
21) Learn how to cook like actually cook. Omelets are unacceptable.
22) Own a Chanel or LV bag. The holy grail of designer bags.
23) Watch a movie at a drive-in theater
24) Run a marathon
25) Party on a rooftop
26) Sit on a rooftop and watch the sunrise
27) Go biking along PCH
28) Go on a picnic (so gay -__-)
29) Ride a hot air balloon
30) Own a pug or a West Highland Terrier
31) Go camping
32) Make a snow man...LOL.
33) Visit San Fransisco, Rhode Island, a middle of nowhere state Maine, and Canada
34) See a lighthouse
35) Go to the Thomas Fisher Rare Book Library in Canada
36) See the Northern Lights in person
37) Watch Disneyland fireworks on 4th of July

I hope that in my lifetime I can do more than half of these things :)

Week 8

I'm contemplating on getting straight bangs, but not the ones I had last year. My bangs won't be so thick and it won't be super straight.

Tonight I'll probably have to pull an all-nighter. I didn't even start on my history paper and barely started studying for physics midterm tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm free as a bird so I definitely need to start on ALEKS and I seriously need a B on my chem midterm. I studied for my chem quiz and did better than expected. I should be able to study for a midterm.

It's kind of funny how things work out in the end. I'm pretty happy with the way things are going. I'm going to start watching what I eat so I can finally fit into my cheap mondays. It's too bad I'm so full from all the whales, fishes, and lobsters I've been eating lately. HOHO.

I also found my new motivation for school. Mom, I have your back and don't forget about that.

TGIF

I love staying up and talking to my best friend. It's funny how we never really talk about the same thing and branch out to another topics. Even if it's about the same subject, we always add something new to the talk. My favorite talks are about our character and personalities are influenced by certain experiences and events. I always learn something new about myself and it's funny because she understands me like no other.

I can probably write a biography about her and her family after four years. I'm positive she knows just about everything there is to me.

In two years, she'll probably be at a different school, but I know that we'll still talk. Hehe, I'll invite you to my wedding and I'll attend your engagement with SGB. LOL! Just kidding, you'll have someone who doesn't dress in monochrome. In all honesty, I love our talks. It's too bad it screws us over the next day.

PTL, I didn't do so badly on my quiz today. Everything went better than expected.

Thank you, Evelyn Chang for being my moral backbone and support! I actually feel pretty motivated. Now it's time to play hard tonight :)

6. I refuse to state why I do because I feel like a faggot. I like him yeah. One reason is that he surprises me in a good way with the things he says and does towards others and me.

7. It's not acceptable. Physical cheating is one thing, but I honestly feel that emotional cheating is a lot worse. You're just basically screwing over someone who believes that the feeling is mutual when it's really not.

8. Short-term: Worried about physics midterm and paper

Long-term: My future and how I'm not motivated as a person.

9. Okay so like we leaned in and it was like really romantic, you know? LOL, I honestly don't know what I'm supposed say about it. It's a kiss...? It is what it is.

10. I'm really liberal and I don't really care people do. I think you just have to be responsible and have a moderate usage of whatever you do. Just stay safe and be with people you know really well!

When I figure out what I want, I'm giving it my 110%.

meet me in montauk. from Jess on Vimeo.

"Clementine: Joely? What if you stayed this time?
Joel: I walked out the door. There's no memory left.
Clementine: Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Let's pretend we had one.
[Joel comes back]
Clementine: Bye Joel.
Joel: I love you...
Clementine: Meet me... in Montauk..."

It's probably on my top ten favorite movies. This is arguably my favorite scene out of the entire movie.

Week 7

Okay, I got a really bad haircut during the weekend. Bangs were so uneven and she made my hair even to the point where it looks like mom hair. I had to trim my own bangs or they would've looked worse. Sigh...I have to wait a couple weeks for this to grow out.

Pre-2004 (Pop punk, alternative)

Good Charlotte

Simple Plan

Blink-182 (my favorite band for like four years...and I associated this band with someone I had a crush on for the longest time....)

Linkin Park

2004-2006 (Screamo, emo, pop punk) LOL

My Chemical Romance

Fall Out Boy

From First to Last

Anthony Green

Circa Survive

The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Panic! At the Disco

The Academy Is...

Bright Eyes

Saosin

2006-2008

Postal Service

Dashboard Confessional

Playradioplay!

Hellogoodbye (I was so excited to see them live)

Daphne Loves Derby

The Academy Is...

The Early November

Clazziquai (!!)

Humming Urban Stereo

Big Bang

Epik High

Deathcab for Cutie (entry level to indie)

Minus the Bear

Coldplay

Metro Station

Nujabes (thanks Norman)

Taking Back Sunday

Jack's Mannequin

I had a small phase with Jedi Mind Tricks, Hieroglyphics, Binary Star, and The Roots

2008-2009

Moscow Olympics (the one band that changed the way I listened to music as well as introduced shoegaze to me)

New Order/The Smiths

Wolftron (almostfour)

Feist

Passion Pit

Broken Social Scene

Belle & Sebastian

Radiohead

Math & Physics Club

For awhile, I loved Justice and basically anything house/fidget/electronic music.

2010-current (chillwave, indie pop, shoegaze, twee)

Baths

Gold Panda

The Radio Dept.

Teen Daze

Blackbird Blackbird

Brothertiger

Toro Y Moi

Nosaj Thing

My music tastes have changed dynamically. As of right now, I'm the most diverse I've ever been with music. I try to find different artists to listen to everyday; it's a lot harder to find pinpoint a favorite band of mine. I'm also in tune with pop culture now.

Oddly, I associate specific people and certain memories with a lot of the my past favorite songs. I'm trying not to do that anymore because I want to purely enjoy my music without thinking of someone or something. Another trend I've noticed is my music changes when the depth of my emotion and magnitude of my feelings change. The lyrics get less sad and more abstract as the years go by.

It's pretty interesting to see how much I've changed as a person and how music has influenced my maturation.

5) a. People who are more negative than they are positive and when they justify their negativity by saying it's realism.

b. People who don't know how to appreciate and are rude.

Uhm, yeah. I don't really care that much; I have a high level of tolerance. These two things just irritate me the most.

Start off with the typical, are you 100% single?
Sort of............LOL.

What are your plans for your next birthday?
LOL birthday just passed.

How many days til your next birthday?
like 360...LOL

Does anyone disgust you?
Nope

Do you say sorry first?
I'm trying to be the bigger person.

Is there someone who continuously lets you down?
Nope

Can you honestly say you’re okay right now?
Better than okay!

Will you be sleeping on the floor tonight?
LOL no.

Have you ever fallen asleep in someone’s arms?
So gay, but yes.

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Yup.

How’s your heart lately?
LOL good.

What are you excited for?
Spring break!

Where is the person you miss the MOST right now?
Home!

Was last night enjoyable for you?
HAHA chilled :)

How late did you stay up last night?
around midnight

Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

They're exes for a reason.

Are you still friends with the last person who broke your trust?
I don't think anyone's really broken my trust....so...

Do you feel like anyone is playing mind games with you right now?

Nope

Who was the last person to spend the night with you at your house?
LOL no idea.

Are you 100% over the last person you kissed?
Uhm...no.......LOL.

Have you ever had a best friend?
YUP :)

Are you currently looking forward to anything?
Weekend...but I'll be alone ):

Are you wearing something that belongs to someone else?
Nope

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

LOL Idk, idgaf.

What have you eaten today?
Sandwich, pasta, salad, and some cake.

Did you have a good day yesterday?
it was fantastic :D

Who was the last person that left you a comment?
Jessica! :)

What are you doing tomorrow?
Research lab, chem lab, section, doing physics + chem homework

Will this weekend be a good one?
I will make it a good weekend!

What’s something you really want right now?
LOL money would be great...broke as a joke.

Do you like Mexican food?
Helll yahh!

Are you keeping a big secret right now?
LOL no.

Ever licked someone’s cheek or forehead?
Yes, for the lulz.

Are you a fan of iced coffee?
Yup

How do you like your milk?
Soy please.

Least favorite Jonas brother?
LOL IDGAF.

Have you ever been called a bitch?
Yeah LOL.

Is there a guy that knows everything about you?
Not everything, but a lot!

Do you like pancakes?
Yup :)

Do you currently have a hickey?

No.

Did you go out with anyone this past Valentine’s day?
Nope LOL too busy for me.

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a O?

No.

Who is in your house right now?
Mom, cousins, aunt.

Are your lips chapped?
Nope.

Explain your relationship status:
I don't know...talking..maybe?

Name a lyric from the last song you listened to:
"Lovers' name, craved in walls. Overlap, start to merge."

What time did you get up this morning?
9:20!

Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
Both :)

How many windows are open on your computer?
Four.

What are you doing after this?
homework.

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
UO

Do you like to cuddle?
I guess.

How tall are you?
5’6??

Which one of your cousins is closest to you in age?
I don't remember his English name...but he's like a year older than me.

Do you like someone? Does his/her name start with A, B, D, K, M, C, or J?
Yup and yup

Do you like hugs?
Yup!

Are you a loud person?
I guess

Are you wearing underwear right now?
LOL yes.

Look to your left, what do you see?
Wall with birthday stuff on it.

What is one thing you would love to happen tomorrow?
For homework to finish itself.

Would your parents be mad if you came home smashed?
LOL yes.

Have you ever had a crush on your siblings’ friend?
N/A

Does it matter to you if your bf/gf smokes?
Not really, but I would prefer if he didn't

Is there a guy/girl that knows everything or mostly everything about you?
I believe like one or two people.

Would you ever dye your hair blonde?
No.

Is something bothering you?
Homework...

Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?
LOL they said they liked my eyes...hurr...

Do you believe that you can change for someone?
Yes, but it would be something I want to do as well. The person just serves as a catalyst.

Would you go back in time to change something?
Probably not.

Is it hard leaving people behind?
Yeah.

What are you excited for?
Weekend!

Who was the last missed call?
Monica

At the moment are you more warm or cold?
Warm

Is there one song that reminds you of the whole summer?
I can't think of one, but The Russian Futurists remind me of summer 2k8

Last non-alcoholic beverage consumed?
Water

Think back to the last person you held hands with, would you kiss them?

LOL GROSS.

Are you drifting away from any friends?
It's on and off, but we always catch up :)

What are you listening to?
Bibio - Lovers Cravings

What are you doing tonight?
Homework

Does the last person who put their arm around you mean anything to you?
He's sort of important...LOL.

Anyone told you a secret this week?
I think so...I don't remember.

In the next 4 months, what are you looking forward to most?
SUMMERRR!!

Was this New Year’s enjoyable?
Yup

Are you high?
Nope.

Where do you think your best friend is right now?
She's sitting on her chair watching Kdramas..LOL.

Are you listening to music right now?
Yup

Do you have a best friend to lean on?
Literally and figuratively :) Thank you!

What did you do today?
Class...napped...homework.

3. Ambitious for the right reasons. Logical. Easygoing and chill. Someone who understands my humor. Punny and witty FTW. Dresses nicely. Good taste in music. Intelligent conversation. Down for adventures. Fellow advent food lover like me. Good at math and science (always a trend I swear). Understanding. Cares about their future. Willing to make an effort in everything they do. Exceptional in something they do whether it's the most useless thing ever. HOHO plays video games. These are definitely attractive qualities, but when it comes down to it, it's how I feel around the individual. My level of comfort, how well we click, and whether or not he's good for me do matter the most. I want someone who makes the quality of my life better.

4. Okay, I wear like sweats, loose shirt, and shorts. LOL. nothing special.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vG0Uy8YPdaU

This song has been repeat for the entire day. It's so chill.

2) My musical tastes have expanded and I'm always finding new stuff to listen to. Three years ago I started listening to shoegaze and I still listen to Moscow Olympics from time to time. I've made a handful of mistakes in relationships and friendships; I don't plan on making the same mistakes anymore. I still believe that I should live life without making any regrets and I should grab every opportunity I get. It's too bad that I don't fully out act these two things. My work ethic has decreased though...but a conversation between Ilani and me has motivated me again!

It's simple; I've grown a lot, but I still have more growing to do!

I really really have to remember to stay logical and be grounded in every situation. Think before I speak and act.

"It's not lesbian if our vaginas don't touch."

Justin who pinches so hard ):

A bunch of peppermint patties in a cute hello kitty lunch pail!

EARRINGS!

Hello kitty lunch box!

Compliments to Alanna the baker :)

Jennifer!

Awkward group photo...

Katrina, future RA and a woman of two sides! Sweetest girl ever!

Deuces <^><^> I hate him so much.

Alan Chen, possibly my brother from another mother. We are the oddest people ever!

RIDE OR DIE FOREVER!!!

Balloons from Evelyn!

Delicious cake! :)

Candy and lanyard from Katrina!

Possibly the most delicious sandwich ever that gave me a stomach ache...

LOL ugly ass bitch who blinked.

Katrina :)

Monica :)

My very own banana tree from Justin! :)

Cute ass bunny + banana tree

LOL TROLLL

LOL. DREAM TEAM...

BIG BRO SID ^___^V

Cupcakes + David Phan

A delicious mixture of things ;)

Big bro!! ^__^

Balloons and bff4eva

"Maggie, you have something on your face." THAT WAS A GUUD JUAN.

I would probably say that my 19th birthday topped every birthday ever. A big big big thank you to Evelyn Chang for making it incredible! I love you so much; I appreciate everything you gave me so much. You are the most selfless human being ever. Honestly, I haven't felt this happy in a long time. Thank you paphi house, Katrina, Monica, Justin, Alan, Steve, Sid, and Alanna for all the little things you guys did for me!