I have these bursts of motivation and breakdowns of self-confidence from time to time. It sucks because I'm so unmotivated to go to class because I feel it's too late to do anything differently.

Blogging this because I need to remember why I came here. People are always waking me up and telling me to go to class so where's my willpower?

Goals to keep in mind:

1) STOP BEING LAZY

2) Willpower and determination makes all the difference

3) Soymilk ahsdfhahahsdah

4) Pact w/ Evelyn (most important reminder)

I hate week five and week ten...I miss class the most during these weeks, but I'm going to change and stop thinking about the five minuets of sleep I need. I'm going to haul ass to chem on MWF.

Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros - Home

One day I'll feel it.

9 weeks, do work.

I had a really good talk with Evelyn about a lot of things. Everything does happen for a reason and I'm going to go with the flow for now.

Thank you for being so patient and understanding of everything. We're going to tear SF up.

What I really need is a balance between my former high school self and current self. I'm going to trust my abilities and stop competing with others. I guess I haven't been that happy lately especially how I consistently remind myself of all the mistakes I made.

My goal is to finish the year strong and take a chill pill from time to time. Nothing too concrete, but always remember that I should try my best and concentrate on my happiness and well-being.

Goals:

-Try my best and do better than last quarter

-Sleep more than five hours a night

-Stretch from time to time

-Kick the habit and temptation of drinking coffee

-Stop overthinking and appreciate what I have

sounds like a good enough list :)

"Good morning, and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!"

-Truman Show

Things to do this week:

1) Physics homework due Monday

2) Math homework due Friday

3) 6 hours of lab 2 hours lab

4) chem midterm numero uno

5) physics midterm numero uno

6) weekly art history 500 word whatever

7) lol read plant paper before meeting and do not get owned by dr. mazer

8) watch no strings attached with Justin on Tuesday...if I have time!!

9) summary of inconvenient truth due Monday

10) chem lab report due Tuesday

I'm cursed forever. I always have a physics midterm and chem midterm either on the same day or a day after another.

When my chem midterm grade comes out, I'm either going to be able to apply to UCSD for pharm school or not at all....

I'm strangely motivated right now.

Something I'm going to figure out by the end of summer...

-the correlation between musical preferences and personality.

I'm really curious if there's a deeper link between musical tastes and personalities and how different two people are based on their musical tastes. I've been googling and all I've gotten is music affects our moods and our moods are defined through our personalities. I'm not content with that answer because I really want to know if our personalities affect the reason why we listen to certain things or is it vice-versa??Qasdf

I listen to chillwave, shoegaze, bassanova, and a lot of indie music....what does that say about my personality?

http://www.psychologyandsociety.com/musicperson.html

hmm....if I categorize my music based on the article, I don't know what my musical tastes are defined as.....

Plus if people listen to all types of music, what does that say about them?

/end rambling

Plan B:

-stay at SB for the summer?!

-if I do go home, what am I going to do? I guess I can try to get a waitressing job, but idk.

-try to find a job...lol ): every year I never get a job. I am so undesirable in the job market.

-Mazer Lab

-try to apply for another research position

I will not lag on applications in the fall. I need to get my hospital volunteering position.

I make plans and lists of things to do.

It's disappointing to know half of my plans are not coming through.

But on a good note, I get math and I have time to study and sleep before 2AM today. I also helped finishing doing scores on clarkia plants so tomorrow we'll be outcrossing them! Eggsciting.

Don't go, say you'll stay

Spend a lazy Sunday

In my arms, don't take

Anything away

Stars, I've missed you dearly.

I'm starting to feel the consequences of procrastination. I'm going to be sleeping so little for the next two weeks.

New goal: STOP WASTING TIME

Music Mondays-any song that is made, remixed, or reworked by Star Slinger.

Tasty Tuesdays- My love for pastrami sandwiches

Wishful Wednesdays- My laziness exceeds my wish to have a flat stomach. Can summer come closer? I hate being cold in the mornings.

Thoughtful Thursdays- The psychological and emotional makeup of people and why they are the way they are.

Fashion Fridays- brown skinny belts, button up shirts, and stripes!

I hope that all the plans we make will come through.

Bucket list:

1) Eat every 4 or 5 star restaurant on State Street that's $$ or $...at least try

2) San Jose/San Francisco

3) Skydiving ^_____^ #winning

4) Lily's Tacos next time!

Thanks for treating me out to Norton's Pastrami.

The most delicious pastrami sandwich ever. They gave us so much meat and I was full after 1.5 sandwiches, so worth the eight dollars.

Plan A: Stick with my minor in speech and hearing sciences and get an internship with my cousins' speech therapist. Summer session A only and stay at Walnut for the remainder of the summer.

Plan B: Minor in art history, take two art history courses during the summer, and volunteer at the hospital + lab for 10-12 weeks in the summer. Summer session A + B + job.

I should figure this out soon. It's so hard to stick to one thing when you want to do everything. This lifetime is too short.

"How do you trust your feelings when they can just disappear like that?" -Blue Valentine

Applicable to a lot of things in my life.

Something I really enjoy doing #1:

I really enjoy reading other peoples' analyses or reviews after watching a movie I throughly enjoy especially movies where I feel there could always be something more.

That was my reaction to Blue Valentine. As badly as I wanted Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling to end up together in the end, it was obvious that they weren't going to last. The contrast between their past and present was so clear and it was so heart-breaking to see two people try to make a marriage work. How sad it is to see two people fall in love with each other and stick it out till the very end where nothing works.

Good

• Sleeping more than five hours a day, a big improvement from winter quarter
• Better time management
• Organized with the help of schedules and lists
• Eating better(??)
• Less distracted
• Broke the habit of mindless internet surfing, happens rarely now
• Library + RBR woo!

Bad

• Tired as shit. I.hate.my.schedule.this.quarter
• SO MUCH TO DO, SO LITTLE TIME.
• Too lazy and tired to exercise
• Late to the first class I have everyday eugh ): Damn you 8AMs
• Struggling to sleep before 1AM

I'm hoping this week is just a bad week. I missed three lectures this week...I'm so disappointed in myself.

BTW, I'm so proud of Evelyn for sticking with what she wants and going 100% all the way. LET'S DO THIS. and going after sdffsbgsff LOL ^__^

P.S Thanks Justin for doing my labels and stakes for me and helping me on math homework. You're officially a sticker master and a linear algebra god in my book :)

I can't wrap my mind around the idea that in less than four years I'll be a fully grown adult. I'm going to have responsibilities like paying the bills, remembering to buy groceries, getting up by myself to go to work. Though I dread these aspects of growing up, I've been envisioning the specific moment of picking out my furniture for my apartment since the fourth grade. I've always had this image of the ideal bedroom in my mind. It's a white dominated room slightly contrasted with pale pink pastel sheets and a small circular table with a vase of flowers. In the afternoon at 1PM, the sunlight will seep through the sheer cream colored curtains and I'll be reading a novel while drinking iced strawberry lemonade or black coffee saturated with cream and sugar. Every time I remember this, the flowers change. Whether they're daisies or peonies overlooking a hourglass shaped vase, my desire to achieve my pubescent dream has never changed.

P.S Naps will be the death of me. How will I survive five 8AMs this quarter? On the bright side, I might only have eight units during the summer. I'll probably have either a four or three day weekend, how blessed I am! That means I have time to volunteer at the lab, hospital, and maybe even get a job. I'm also going to apply to other research labs; I'm hoping I'll get one that's more geared towards my major.

Thrills:

Zip-lining

Sky-diving

Parachuting

Bungee jumping off Bloukrans Bridge

Speedflying

Wingsuit base flying

Icesailing/Iceboating

Hang-gliding

I have to do one of these things before I die. I need to learn how to ski asap so I can go to Norway and Switzerland.